Friday, July 06, 2007

Stop the Madness

To any adult men or women holding high public office,

We, the unenlightened, stupid, little people of this great State, beseech you, stop the madness prevailing now Montgomery County, indeed in the whole state. The madness wherein taxpayers' money will go to purchase cucumbers and condoms as part of an enhanced sex-ed curriculum; the madness that assumes little boys who have been putting on their own socks and pants for years before being given the cucumber cannot figure out which end of what goes where; the madness that tries to turn the very forces of nature and teach an unnatural form of human copulation.

We, the ignorant, humble, God-fearing folk do not pretend to know what strange and powerful magic is wielded high above in order to educate our children. That is why we turn our meager earnings over to you, trusting that whatever magic is used will be for the good not only of our children, but of the next generation of our society and the future of Western civilization itself. No pressure.

We do know some things, though. We know that certain forms of sexual activity are dangerous to your health the health of those around you. Why on Earth would you teach our kids to experiment with dangerous activity? After they finish each lesson on How to Contract the HIV Virus and Die from AIDS, what do you? Send them out to clear minefields? Drink and drive? Sniff glue? Is this a new way to reduce class size?

While your staff are working on a response to this plea, have them find out one thing for me, hmmm? Have them find out why cucumbers. Cucumbers are a favorite vegetable at our house. There's nothing like my mom's cucumber and tomato salad drenched in a homemade mint and garlic dressing. I would really like to pass that simple pleasure along to my children.

Are there research papers, cost-benefit analyses, focus group data that was used to pick the cucumber over, say, the carrot? Or the zucchini? Why a vegetable? I would think a fruit more appropriate in this task.


Mike Netherland
The homophobic, bigoted, right-wing gun (and Jesus) freak living right here, in your midst, in
Severna Park, MD


Attila said...

Montgomery County ditched the cucumber video for one involving a wooden phallus. Which still raises the question you (and I) raised: How dumb do you think these kids are?

I must have written a dozen posts about this curriculum, mocking the proponents as "the cucumber people." I even drew my own one-page instruction manual to replace the video. It's linked in the middle of my post here.

Mike Netherland said...

Excellent post, and wicked instructional drawing! I was working or rather rooting for the recall movement until I realized that they were not quite up to the task. The leaders at the time did not quite grasp the fact that their "friends and neighbors" on the school board thought they were bigots and laughed at their Jesus-freakishness behind their backs.

They thanked me for my enthusiasm and support, but that they would take a different approach. I told them their was cause was doomed, and so...sometimes I hate being right!